Coaching

How To Build Conflict Skills—The Pinch/Crunch Model

How To Build Conflict Skills—The Pinch/Crunch Model

This post first appeared on Forbes.com We’ve all heard the clichés: Pick your battles. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Good advice, to a point, but for the conflict-averse, it is possible to be too selective about raising issues....

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The Hard Truth About Boundaries And Self Care

The Hard Truth About Boundaries And Self Care

This post first appeared on Forbes.com “There is always more to do. I constantly feel like I am letting people down.” This statement could have been made by almost any of my clients: Dirk, the VP of engineering at a tech company; or Sheena, a surgeon in a major clinic...

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What To Do When You Receive Contradictory Feedback

What To Do When You Receive Contradictory Feedback

This post first appeared on Forbes.com “Feedback is a gift.” We’ve all heard it, and it’s often true. At its best, feedback from our bosses and colleagues helps us understand our strengths, weaknesses and impact on others. It sheds light on our blindspots and provides...

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How To Create An Awesome Offsite Experience

How To Create An Awesome Offsite Experience

This post first appeared on Forbes.com As the summer draws to a close, many teams will be thinking about coming together for an offsite. The stakes for these gatherings are high. Employee engagement, collaboration and connection have faltered in the last three...

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Stop Telling Women To ‘Suck It Up’

Stop Telling Women To ‘Suck It Up’

This post first appeared on Forbes.com The “Barbie” movie’s over-the-top but incisive take on the impact of gender stereotyping on women’s lives hinted at, but did not delve deeply into the darker aspects and consequences of gender bias for women. But two...

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How To Prepare For Rejection

How To Prepare For Rejection

This post first appeared on Forbes.com Sergei is a 40-year old startup CEO looking to raise his next round of funding. Beth is a 30-year-old technical writer considering changing jobs. Maggie is a college sophomore rushing a sorority. What do they have in common? All...

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So You Messed Up? How To Repair With A Coworker

So You Messed Up? How To Repair With A Coworker

This post first appeared on Forbes.com You thought the meeting was fine. And then you hear from your manager that someone complained about your communication style. Now what? In situations that don’t rise to the level of an HR complaint but that leave a colleague with...

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5 Leadership Lessons From Ultimate Frisbee

5 Leadership Lessons From Ultimate Frisbee

This post first appeared on Forbes.com Author’s note: This post is personal, inspired by the Women’s Collegiate Division 3 Ultimate National Championships in Columbus, Ohio May 20-22, 2023. There was no chance they would win the championship. Seeded...

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How To Bounce Back After Being Passed Over For Promotion

How To Bounce Back After Being Passed Over For Promotion

This post first appeared on Forbes.com “I’m totally unmotivated to go to work. What do I do? ” Janelle (*name and identifying details changed) recently had a big, public disappointment at work—she was passed over for the top job in her organization. She was highly...

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How To Improve A Challenging Work Relationship

How To Improve A Challenging Work Relationship

This post first appeared on Forbes.com Relationships at work matter. Having friends on the job makes you happier, period. My first Big Law job (a grind) was made not just bearable, but actually fun by my two workplace pals, Dale and Tim. We supported each other...

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How To Network Effectively—Even When It Feels Weird

How To Network Effectively—Even When It Feels Weird

This post first appeared on Forbes.com “Relationships are a form of wealth that is under your control. You can create this wealth even if you start with nothing. And once you create it, no one can take it away,” asserts author and executive coach Michael Melcher in...

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How To Stay Motivated And Be Happier At Work

How To Stay Motivated And Be Happier At Work

This post first appeared on Forbes.com “That’s why they call it work,” as dads and managers have quipped for years in response to the complaints of young workers. Meaning: don’t expect it to be fun or easy (and quit your whining!) But when work feels like a slog...

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Why We Are (Still) Talking About Quiet Quitting

Why We Are (Still) Talking About Quiet Quitting

This post first appeared on Forbes.com First it was the “great resignation.” Now it is “quiet quitting.” From TikTok to NPR, the notion of workers setting boundaries—doing the work that they are paid for and expecting to be paid for the work they do—has...

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Quiet Quitting—It’s All In The Attitude

Quiet Quitting—It’s All In The Attitude

This post first appeared on Forbes.com The recent TikTok trend, widely covered in the media, “quiet quitting” is really not that new at all (cue Office Space the movie). Work has always been greedy for our time and effort, employers have sought to pay as...

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Imposter Syndrome Upside? Not Exactly…

Imposter Syndrome Upside? Not Exactly…

This post first appeared on Forbes.com Could “Imposter Syndrome” have an upside? Research reported in the Harvard Business Review and other media outlets indicates that imposter thoughts—thinking ”that you are not as competent as others...

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Approach your career like an artist

Approach your career like an artist

When you are feeling stuck, uncertain, and afraid of taking action, you would do well to remember Diebenkorn’s  “Notes to Myself on Beginning a Painting.” Number 7 is: “Mistakes can’t be erased, but they move you from your present position.” He was, of course,...

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It’s Not All About You

It’s Not All About You

California may very well be the cradle of the "spiritual but not religious" movement, if you can call it a movement. Many of us are are more inclined to spend our weekends hiking or mountain-biking than in a church, synagogue or mosque. And we are not alone. The Pew...

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Life on the Other Side of the Finish Line

Life on the Other Side of the Finish Line

Last weekend I completed the Bike MS Waves to Wine ride -- the longest cycling event of my life -- and I raised nearly $4000 for the MS Society. I feel strong and happy and proud. (I hesitate to admit that I feel proud, because my good New England upbringing taught me...

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Can You Afford Coaching?

Can You Afford Coaching?

A friend of mine recently asked, "Do you find that the people who most need coaching can least afford it?" and it got me thinking about money and about the value of coaching. The question of what you can afford it highly subjective and value-laden. Look at any budget...

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The Secret of Goal Setting: Values Alignment

The Secret of Goal Setting: Values Alignment

One of the first things we do in a coaching relationship -- whether it is career coaching, leadership development, team coaching, or personal life coaching -- is set goals. Like most coaches, I encourage my clients to (1) be very specific about their goals, (2) make...

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What Do You Want?

What Do You Want?

One of the first questions I ask new and prospective clients is "what do you want?" More often than not, the answer is: "I don't know," or "I'm not sure." The first phase of coaching then focuses on clarifying what the client wants so that he or she can begin to move...

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Battling Resistance

Battling Resistance

Today I'm writing about the ways in which we stop ourselves from pursuing what we want: resistance in all its forms. Sometimes it is personified as our gremlin, saboteur, or negative voice that tells us that we are not capable of doing or creating what we want or that...

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Ask the Right Questions

Ask the Right Questions

Sometimes, asking “why?” can be a trap. A typical individual coaching client comes to me wanting to do something (it could be anything – find a job, write a book, earn a promotion, get in shape) and looking for my help. Very likely by the time he comes to me, he has...

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Walking My Talk

Walking My Talk

A good friend of mine recently asked me if being a coach makes me feel like I have to do everything perfectly. I told her that I don't feel that way, but that I do feel an obligation to “walk my talk.” But what does that really mean? For me, it means that I need to do...

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Coaching & Therapy

Coaching & Therapy

  People often ask me what is the difference between coaching and therapy. Much is made of the differences, usually by one side seeking to disparage the other side. Therapists claim that coaching – which is three decades old and largely unregulated – lacks the...

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This is Only a Test

This is Only a Test

  Today I spoke with Gretchen Rubin, best-selling author of The Happiness Project, about her book, happiness, and coaching. Our conversation touched on the importance of taking action. Gretchen's project was all about test-driving a wide range happiness theories...

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What Are The Hard Questions?

What Are The Hard Questions?

  On my home page I refer to "hard questions," but what do I mean? Hard questions are the ones that we politely avoid most of the time. They are the questions that, when asked, upset the apple cart, demand that we change. They challenge assumptions, require...

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Now, More Than Ever

Now, More Than Ever

  Times are tough – we see it all around us. The economy is faltering, people are losing their jobs and their homes in numbers that make even those who have a relatively secure job feel nervous. So maybe your first response to coaching is, “That sounds nice, but...

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The Not-Knowing

The Not-Knowing

  Do you sometimes feel like all aptitude and no direction? That was me for a long time. I had confidence in my capacity to do something, but could never figure out what that something was. I was surrounded by people who were driven to pursue one path or another...

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How I Found My Coach

How I Found My Coach

  If you're looking at this website you may be wondering how to choose a coach. There are so many out there – how do you make an educated choice, especially if you have never shopped for a coach before? Well, here are a few basics. First, you can start with a...

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So, You Call Yourself a Coach, Do You?

So, You Call Yourself a Coach, Do You?

  What makes a person a coach? I began asking this question during early training and continue to ask it as I create this website. For me, today, the answer is that coaching brings together many skills I was already using (listening, inquiry, probing, staying...

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